


Everything, Everything-Wonah AU

by AnDimAcK_cRaCk



Category: Andi Mack (TV), Everything Everything (2017)
Genre: AU, Bisexual Jonah Beck, Boyfriends, Child Abuse, Everything Everything cross over, Illnesses, Judy Bartholomew - Freeform, Love is everything everything, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Andi Mack, Pansexual Walker Brodsky, Sexual Content, Walker Brodsky's mom, Wonah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2020-11-24 17:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20911382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnDimAcK_cRaCk/pseuds/AnDimAcK_cRaCk
Summary: "Love is Everything, Everything"Walker is a house bound teen with a terminal illness everyday is the same for him until a new boy Jonah Beck moves in next door. A cross over from the 2017 film Everything, Everything based off the Andi Mack characters.





	1. Today is different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey I'm writing a book includes Wonah only I'm afraid

**Chapter 1:**

**\-----------**

I sat in my study gently swinging back and fourth looking out to the garden in front of me letting my vivid imagination run wild. I love this room most days it's my favourite because most days I can imagine the huge window falling away and it makes me feel like I'm outside. If I was to go out I'd go to the beach and admire the beautiful crystal blue water that I've dreamed about on countless occasions. I can picture swimming deep into the depths of the ocean discovering wonders mentally taking images in my mind to sketch later. But then the daydreaming eventually stops and I'm back in my study longingly looking out to my garden.

I don't leave my house. If I did I would die. Sorry to sound gross. I have Severe Combined Immune Deficiency or SCID to explain in every drop of blood there are these cells that fight off disease and keep us healthy well I have very few and the ones I do have are terrible at fighting disease to the point where if I went outside it would kill me. it's like being allergic to everything what I eat touch it could all have consequences the smallest outside viruses could be fatal. I have over 200 sterilised white T-shirts as a standard uniform there's this huge compressor at my door nothing can leak into the house and anyone that comes in the house has to be fully cleansed. I get excise I read a lot. I have a whole blog where I post reviews about the stories I read I mean thank god for the internet without it I would of driven myself insane. Also I video chat with other suffers some of them are really sick others have a difficult time with social interactions. I take online Art and architecture classes and I often include an astronaut in my pieces I can relate to him floating around in oblivion. Today's my birthday I'm 18, 18 years of being locked inside Everyday is the same well it was until I saw a movers van parked up outside I saw a boy he was...Beautiful he saw me and stood up with his skate board and road past me gently waving and mouthed 'hi' to me I turned away from my window and as I smiled to myself I thought

Maybe today's gonna be different. 

If you need to someone to check if you're breathing every 5 minutes it's convenient for you're mom to be a doctor she diagnosed me herself after 2 cases of pneumonia and an awful case of strep throat. I also couldn't gain any weight as a baby my mom didn't hesitate to do whatever she absolutely could she gave this beautiful house anything I wanted within reason and still always made time for me like I said today I'm 18 which means nothing in here just another year of being stuck in this house my mom took to day off and was giving me a daily check up blood pressure, heart rate, temperature with her stoned facial expression distant concerned I wonder if her patients find it comforting I do.

"You didn't have to take the day off"

"I'll always take the day off... What do you wanna do?

"What we always do" We cut into a cake and played a game of ecological scrabble my mom as per usual wasn't very good at it

"Spatlite... what is that?" My mom said laughing

"It's spotlight" I said laughing with her

"ugh I just don't get this game"

"You're the one that always wants to play"

"Well it was your dad's favourite"

My dad and my brother died in a car crash two weeks later I was diagnosed with SCID my mom is really strong she went through so much to help me get here I love her and I wish I could take some of her pain away

"Did he always beat you too?"

"Sometimes he let me win"

I smiled faintly and thought about what if he was still alive if I still had my brother what would he think of me not only with me having SCID but with my pansexuality. I'm already out to my mom not that it matters I'll never be able to be with anyone in that way I mean who am I gonna meet when I'm locked in here 24/7 7 days a week. at least she accepted me I mean she had no choice as I said it means nothing because there are just loads of things that I'm never gonna have in life.

**\---Time skip---**

It was around 8:30 me and my mom where watching White chicks it was one of our favourite movies. We we're interrupted when the door bell rang 

"I'll get it" I said jokingly 

"Stay here" My mom stood up and went to the door I rushed to the monitor that allowed me to see who was at the door I saw a girl and the beautiful boy from this morning they we're offering a bunt cake as an apology for moving in which was...odd obviously my mom didn't take it but the boy asked for me... for me I was in shock I ran upstairs to see him with his sister laughing about something but he accidentally dropped the cake and the plate smashed his dad looked mad and told him to watch it I smiled slightly. Still looking at my window I saw him come to his bedroom window which was directly opposite mine he once again waved at me. flustered at his cuteness I shyly waved back and quickly turned around.

"Walker do you wanna finish the movie?"

"I'd rather know what a bunt cake taste like"

"It's dry your not missing out on anything"

"nah just everything"

Yep today things are defiantly different 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I'm super excited to be writing this


	2. R u on house arrest?

**Chapter 2:**

**\----------**

There's a short list of people who know I'm alive. My mom, My nurse Bex and her daughter Andi. She comes in everyday when my mom goes to work does the standard check up keeps track of my medication. I don't remember a time Bex wasn't here she's been working here for 15 years. sometimes I think she's trapped in here with me. She was here when I woke up as per usual taking notes on a chart about my tablets I took a sip of orange juice and she smiled warmly at me.

"Good morning Bex"

"Hey Walker"

I looked at her smiling she pretend to not know it was my birthday but she couldn't get passed me.She gave in and pulled out a book of old artists and paintings that I had been asking for like ever I hugged her tight

"Thanks Bex I love it"

"I knew you would Andi wrote something in there for you"

"Aw tell her I said thank you"

I flicked through seeing a gorgeous silhouette painting about what I can only assume is love I ran my finger over it the colours consisted of blue and purple and pink 

"Do you think I'll ever achieve this?"

"Love or the painting?"

I looked at her with a 'really' look 

"Either way I think you're capable of both" I smiled at her and she rubbed my shoulder as I thought about it some more my mind wondered to the boy that moved in yesterday I don't know why but he just made me feel a certain way 

_ **later that night** _

I was doodling mindlessly sitting at my desk when I heard a tap on my window then I heard another and another like someone was trying to get my attention. I went over to the window to see the boy at his bedroom window I smiled at him confused I saw the bunt cake from yesterday sitting on the ledge he knocked it over with a torch and he shined it at me I laughed slightly and walked back to my desk.

_ **Next night** _

It happened again I heard two taps on my window as I was doing homework I walked over to see with the same cake with pills and whiskey next to it on the window ledge he lifted the glass up to me as if saying cheers and he took a sip instantly regretting it as he spat it out I giggled lightly this guy was so cute.

_ **Next night ** _

There was a point where the tapping on the window would be the one thing I looked forward to I sat on my bed waiting to here it at first when it didn't come I thought for sure he was done but then I did hear it and I rushed over the cake had a water bottle and string attached to it as if it was in hospital on a drip he came round wearing a cross dressed in a black robe he did the cross sign on himself and I laughed again he took the cake away from the ledge and told me to wait I watched him grab a pen and write a phone number on the window grabbing my phone I put his number in my phone and texted him

_**Walker** :Condolences for the Bunt_

_I'm Walker Brodsky what's you're name?_

** ** _**Jonah**: Jonah_

I looked up from my phone and mouthed to him 'Hi Jonah' he mouthed back 'Hi Walker'. Jonah... I love that name.

Every time Jonah texts me I promise myself I won't instantly reply. But when he does I do reply... Instantly.

_**Jonah: **What are you up too rn??_

_**Walker: **Working on an architecture project for class  
_

** _Jonah:_ ** _ Cool... R u on house arrest?_

** _Walker:_ ** _ What makes you think that?_

** _Jonah:_ ** _ I've been here nearly a week and you haven't left the house once_

** _Walker:_ ** _ Um... I'm not on house arrest but I can't leave the house_

** _Jonah:_ ** _ Wow mysterious and handsome... Are you a ghost because it's _

_just my luck that the boy next door turns out to be dead_

** _Walker:_ ** _ Haha and no I'm like 98% sure I'm alive_

_**Jonah: **So what is it? did you get some girl knocked up?  
_

** _Walker:_ ** _ Lol what if I did?_

** _Jonah:_ ** _ Then I'd be conflicted... Do you have a girlfriend?_

** _Walker:_ ** _ 1\. no 2. It's bold of u to assume I'm straight_

_**Jonah: **Well that's good it would of been awkward flirting with a straight guy_

_I'm Bisexual btw 💙💜💗and you?_

** _Walker:_ ** _ Pan💙💛💗_

_**Jonah:** Okay so here's a game fast 5 favourite: Book, word, colour, vise, person_

_**Walker: **Well probably...Gone, Freedom, Aqua marine, I don't have a vice and my mom_

_**Jonah: **come on everyone has a vice_

_**Walker: **Well how many do u have?_

_**Jonah: **enough to choose a favourite... Lord of the flies, Dreams, Emerald, being oblivious_

_and my sister_

_**Walker: **Lord of the flies so you're bleak_

_**Jonah: **I've been told once or twice how come you don't leave the house_

_**Walker: **I have a really rare case of SCID basically meaning_

_my body cant fight off bacteria or infection so I can't leave my house ever._

_**Jonah: **I'm sorry I wish I could meet you in person_

_**Walker: **It's fine and I wish I could meet you to_

_**Jonah: **come to the window _

I stood up from the table I was working at and ran upstairs and saw him standing at his bedroom window he proceeded to text me.

_**Jonah: **What colour are ur eyes??_

_**Walker:** Dark brown almost black_

_**Jonah: **Ur beautiful _

I tried to fight back a blush failing miserably I once again looked up at him waving hello he waved back at me I walked away knowing one thing 

_I'm defiantly crushing on him._


	3. Like the fourth of July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy let's go kiddos ;))

**Chapter 3**

**\----------**

I sat on my laptop a few days later on my emails checking for any new ones from Jonah but nothing so far it's crazy he's been here for 3 weeks and he's practically got me checking every device I have every two seconds I could feel Bex's eye's watching me as I clicked the refresh button for probably what was the 10th time.

"What are you up too?"

"Nothing just watching c-cat videos" I subtly shut my laptop so she wouldn't see. She pulled up a chair eagerly ready to watch I panicked 

"Oh Bex you don't wanna watch this on the cat d-dies" She looked at me in disbelief for a minute then burst out laughing 

"Really that's all you could think off a dead cat c'mon your not very good at hiding things" Anxiety rose in me how could she know just like that?

"So you know?" 

"No but now I do" I looked down sheepishly

"C'mon you've changed all the looks at his bedroom window and the emails"

"You aren't going to tell my mom are you?"

"I don't know but for now I think you guys are cute" I smiled looking down then a crazy thought popped into my head

"Maybe he could visit" Bex swivelled round and looked at me like I lost my head 

"Wow all teens are the same naive no way Walker I'm sorry"

"He'd get decontaminated and it would only be for a half hour"

"Are you crazy?"

"Wouldn't you be if you've been inside for the past 18 years? Please Bex? he would stay on one side of the room"

"We can't always get what we want Walker I'm sorry I can't risk you're health"

"Okay don't worry about it" I turned back to my desk of course I knew the answer would be no small outside infections or germs could be harmful but I was desperate to see him at least once. 

A little while later I went online I saw a bunch of sweatshirts and hoodies I liked the look of I know white T-shirts are all I wear but one couldn't hurt I went onto to a website for a bank and got my own credit card which was surprisingly easy I am 18 after all I got it and ordered the sweatshirt looking forward to when it arrived. That evening a little later Andi came over she is the only other person allowed in the house my only friend she helped me quite a lot being she's pan herself but she's leaving to go to some art school pretty soon she'll meet new people and I'll still be here.

"So what's he like is he cute?" we where sitting at my bay window looking at Jonah' bedroom window I had told her everything she thought it was romantic 

"Yep he's pretty much almost like my imagination"

"Great the one interesting thing that has ever happened to you and I'm leaving"

"Well I doubt much else is gonna happen so I wouldn't be to sad"

"you never know" Bex walked in making the conversation stop

"Oh don't stop on my account what you guy's talking about?"

"Oh nothing" Andi brushed off

"come on Andi we gotta get going" we said our goodbyes and I continued to look out to his window in wonder

**Next day**

"you stay on your side of the room he stays on his I already gave him the same speech" I was working on an art project when Bex came into my room

"What?"

"You stay on your side of the room he stays on his no touching... He's here"

I sat in complete shock the words wanted to come out but they died on my tongue I had wanted this so bad was it really happening?

"Why?"

"Because I'm terrible at saying no you deserve this" I smiled with gratitude in my eyes 

"Is that what your wearing because we can do better" she pulled a box out from the door way. 

I straightened out my new sweatshirt and poked my head round the door frame to the sun room the one with the big window that takes up the wall space showing the world. He looked my way and smiled fondly I smiled back still standing in the door way my heart beating out my chest

"Hi"

"Hey"

I walked into the room staying as far away as possible

"So um this is a nice room"

"It's my favourite my mom built it this way so I can feel like I'm outside I have quite the imagination"

"Prince Walker in his glass castle"

"I'm not a prince"

"Good me neither" We exchanged smiles again 

"So you've never left this house?" I shook my head we started to move closer with a desk in front of us dividing the space

"What would happen if you did ya know"

"Number of things I could end with from pneumonia to spontaneous combustion"

"So stay inside"

"Yeah that's a good idea" We laughed 

"If you could leave where would you go?"

"The ocean it covers 71% of the earth It's exactly 3 miles from here and I've never seen it" just imagining it's deep water's with different wonders gave me a sense of excitement

"Oh kind of a bad idea"

"Why?"

"Well I'm guessing you don't know how to swim" He smirked I looked down embarrassed

"No but I'd like to try" 

By now I was stood in position he was in him looking opposite at me with desk in between. He had a rubber band on his wrist he took it off and pinged it over it landed on my side

"I'm really good at handstands" I turned around and did it putting my feet on the wall in front of my to balance my torso showing he giggled and tilted his head at me I stood up straight again 

"That all you got?"

"I'm afraid so" we inched closer with the desk still between us. He was a little shorter his eyes deep green I could look at them forever well I thought I could but then Bex walked in.

"You didn't touch him right?" she asked with caution 

"Uh no, no touching" He confirmed my eyes met his again you could be blinded by them 

_If not liking him is wrong I don't wanna be right _

The following day Bex was giving me a checkup I sat in a daze I met him I actually got to see him he stood in this house I was on cloud 9 it sounds dumb but nothing that exciting had ever happened to me.

"Oh my goodness" Bex looked at me with this funny look 

"What is it my face is it red"

"I can see it" I was starting to worry

"Your totally smitten" I laughed and breathed a sigh of relief

"you're right when do you think I can see him again?"

"Give it a week I wanna make sure you're okay" I smiled at the thought of being able to see him again but it would be in a week. What the hell was I supposed to to until then? 

**[Incoming call from Jonah💜]**

**Hey what's up?**

**Nothing much just bored at the beach with my family an- shit sorry Walker**

**No it's okay you should enjoy that **

**Well I'm not I mean you're not here so I've got no on to show off to**

**Anyways next Tuesday Bex has the night off and my mom has a double shift I was wondering if**

**you wanted to come and watch the fireworks from the sun room** **?**

**Next Tuesday? that's July fourth right?**

**Yeah but if you have plans then-**

**No believe it or not I'm not very popular I'd love to**

**Okay yeah see you bye **

**Bye Bye**

July fourth can't some soon enough I know I probably shouldn't be doing this but I can't help myself I guess this crush is having some weird effect on me

**July 4th**

"I don't wanna leave you alone can't believe me and Bex got our wires crossed are you sure you'll be okay?" My mom removed the stethoscope from my chest 

"Yeah I'm good"

"Maybe someone could cover for me"

"It's fine honestly"

"What are you gonna do?"

"probably read a book or something" 

"Okay" She kissed the top of my head 

_ **That evening** _

I sat on the chair opposite Jonah while he sat on a couch we we're awkwardly trying to make conversation.

"I like that shirt" I commented it was a purple button up it made him look cute

"Thanks...Did you know that 14000 fireworks are set off just for today?"

"I wouldn't take you for a math person"

"Oh really what would you take me for?"

"Oh I don't know pretty boy" _Wow now he thinks I'm dumb_

"Really with pretty boy hair cut that went out of style in 2014" I laughed _His hair could save my life._

I stood up and sat on the couch far on one side so we weren't touching he stood up and looked out the window 

"Why'd you move am I really that repulsing? SCID isn't contagious" 

"I know but we can't be close together remember?" I stood up and moved standing facing him still a small distance between us

"You're sure this is okay?" He asked with caution looking a little nervous 

"Yeah" I moved forward a little more now looking down upon him I reached out taking his hand I felt an electrical surge as we connected his hands where so soft 

"Okay" I slowly moved my hand up to his hair and ran my fingers through it was just as fluffy as it looked I put my hand on the back of his head and he moved in slowly and I pulled him to my lips. We made contact he tastes sweet and our mouths danced perfectly as I wrapped my arms around his waist he put his arms round my neck I was passionate and electrifying we split apart and I was yearning for more he smiled brightly and we rested our foreheads together.

_He's perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ur welcome Wonah officially in motion


	4. Not sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tea be like piping hot enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W- Homophobia, violence, illness, small symptoms of a panic attack

**Chapter 4**

**\---------**

"Are you sure you're not sick?"

Jonah had been gone for 2 hours despite living 10 seconds away he felt the need to check up on me to see if I didn't catch anything I understand what I did was crazy maybe even stupid but I couldn't help it the moment was so great I don't regret anything.

"Yeah I feel fine better that fine... I actually feel pretty perfect"

"Even though we touched?"

"We did" I chuckled lightly

"Shared the same breath?"

"We did"

"Kissed?"

"Like I said perfect" I said smiling from ear to ear

"Goodnight Walker"

"Goodnight Jonah"

I read somewhere that we change the upper layers of our skin every two weeks but some of our cells don't renew. They age and age us. In two weeks my lips will have no memory of kissing Jonah. But my brain will remember. 

***************

"I said stay out of it you faggot"

The next day I sat up in my room next to the window reading a book when I heard shouting coming from outside I saw Jonah and his dad arguing with each other his dad pacing out towards his car Jonah following him while shouting he looked really angry his dad shouting back at him to stay out of it. Jonah shoved him and his dad turned around and called him gay boy while punching him in the face he fell to the ground I couldn't believe it his dad was homophobic. I was shocked I didn't even realise it but my feet started to run all the way down the stairs I did the pass code to unlock the door.

"Walker... Walker what are you doing?" My mom shouted running after me.

I went out through the door getting hit with the cold air I saw Jonah on the ground slow lifting himself up he was hyperventilating and his breaths sped when he saw me.

"Jonah! Are you okay?"

"W-walker? I'm fine what the hell are doing? get back inside"

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine GO!"

"Walker Brodsky!" My mother gripped my arms "What do you think you're doing?" she took me by arm dragging me back to the house I turned to look at Jonah he had teary eyes now I understand why his mom apologised for moving in his dads abusive. My mom pulled me back in crossing her arms at me.

"Why would you do that?!"

"I'm s-sorry"

"Did you touch anything?"

"No I-"

"DID YOU TOUCH ANYTHING!?"

"No it was less than a minute" I coiled in fear I've never seen my mom so mad before.

"A second is all it takes" She looked so disappointed in me

"I'm sorry" 

"Why would you risk you're life for a total stranger?" I hung my head low I couldn't tell her she would flip

"He's not a stranger is he?" I looked up shocked she knew but she couldn't of known everything right?

"W-we're just friends online" 

"Online" She shook her head at me "How could you?" She walked off giving me another look.

She's right. Four hours in an antiseptic bath and I could still wake up tomorrow sick. Four hours trying to remember what it as like to be in the world. I can't remember any of it just Jonah yelling at me to go inside. It was late evening I'd been avoiding my mom all day I was longingly looking out at Jonah's window I hadn't seen him I was scared how could his dad do that to him? was he always violent? Maybe his mom and sister are in danger. He can't be safe in that house I feel so helpless I can't even do anything.

"I'm really sorry Jonah's in that situation." My mom calmly said taking a seat on my bed. "No one deserves a father like that"

I turned to look at her "I'm sorry too" I turned to look back at the window.

"Does it look like he's okay?" 

"I don't know" My voice wavered tears threatening to spill 

"I could have someone go over see if he's alright" 

"I don't think he wants anyone to know he's protecting his mom... He doesn't like to talk about everything."

"I knew something was different with you." She said with a smile

"I should of realised the moment he came round offering bunt cake" I laughed 

"You could've come to me you know?"

"I wanted to. But I didn't wanna worry you either"

"What's he like?" 

"he's very funny. He wears guitar T-shirts and sweatshirts all of the time" I said smiling "He's just as quirky as he looks maybe even more" 

"He needs a hair cut" My mom said commenting on the over grown front of his hair

"Yeah" I breathed out chuckling "He's kind we're both really sleep deprived... Talking instead of sleeping. But I'd rather talk to him than sleep" My voice went to a whisper. "When I talk to him I feel like I'm outside." I swallowed the lump in my throat I'd never been this emotional in front of my mom "He thinks I'm funny, Smart and beautiful in that order" she smiled sympathetically

"As he should. He sounds wonderful"

"He is"

"I wish you could have more than this."

"I know" I stood up and sat next to her on my bed

"I'm sorry" 

"It's not you're fault" She looked over at the picture om my night stand of me my brother my dad and my mom we where on holiday I was a few months old it was before I was diagnosed before my dad and brother died in the car accident.

"Maui was you're dads favourite place you we're a few months old before we knew why you we're always sick"

"I wish I could remember them" It might help my mom's guilt if I could 

"Maybe it would be easier if I could forget." I looked at her with sorry eyes I saw the hurt in hers but she simply smiled

"I love you ya know more than you even know" I nodded 

"But you can't see him again" Fear rose in me how could she know?

"I haven't seen him" She pulled something out her pocket and took her my hand squeezing it

"Yes you have" she pulled away leaving Jonah's wrist band he was wearing the one he pinged over to me I sighed in defeat she stood up and walked out the room I looked down at it. Rookie mistake 

**Next morning **

I laid in bed listening to the sound of my mom and Bex talking it slowly turned to shouting she must blame her for my actions yesterday.

"He was alone. He needed-"

"How could you let him into this house?"

"I'm sorry"

"He's a stranger that could of killed him" I slowly went to the top of the stairs listening to the argument continue 

"He needed someone other than-" Bex protested

"It is not up to you to decide what he needs I am his mother"

"You shouldn't be his doctor too"

"Excuse me!"

"Is he sick? Did something happen?"

"He went outside because of him. Because of you!" My mom shouted I went down to the foot of the stairs "And he's been lying to me for weeks" She seemed okay yesterday what happened?

"You have to go" My mom said. No she can't fire Bex 

"Please mom it wont happen again"

"No it won't" Bex looked mortified I felt terrible this was my fault not hers why did she have to suffer.

Bex took her bag she had tears in her eyes she took me into a hug 

"No" I softly whispered holding her tight 

"I'm sorry" she whispered 

"I know this is sad for you both it is sad for me too but it's time for Bex to leave now"

tears fell down my cheeks Bex turned to look at my mom one last time and walked out. I looked at my mom upset the feeling in my stomach grew but I soon realised it wasn't just guilt I quickly ran over to the sink and threw up my mom rubbing my back as I did I wiped my mouth and my mom got worried

"You look pale"

"I feel faint" I breathed out.

My mom took me slowly back up to my room tucking me back into bed she gave me some antibiotics and took out a thermometer from my draw and stuck it in my mouth she heard the beep and check my temperature and chewed her lip nervously 

"You're temperatures 103 we have to wait to see if it goes down lets hope the fluids and antibiotics work." I should of seen this coming it could of been a whole lot worse to be honest I should count myself lucky overcome with tiredness I closed my eyes praying for the sickness to pass

A few hours later I woke up feeling better I stood up and made my way to window and sat down I saw Jonah enter his room his face lit up seeing me there he took his phone and looked at me as if asking if I had mine I shook my head my mom had taken it away. He gestured for me to wait he got a marker and bunch of papers and began writing 

_Are you okay?_

I nodded in response

_Internet?_

I shook my head my mom took everything I bet she would build a wall blocking off our windows if she could

_Are you sure you're okay?_

I nodded smiling reassuringly I wasn't sick anymore so technically I was

_I'm sorry_

He looked at me with a guilty expression I mouthed back at him

'I'm not' 

He smiled at me I smiled back. totally not sorry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these take forever just it's long to write ya know


	5. You're not mine

**Chapter 5:**

**\---------**

"Good morning Walker I am nurse Janet or you may address me as nurse Pritchard whichever you prefer" 

I had woken up and gone downstairs to be met with this 80 year old looking women dressed like she's a nurse from the 1970's but maybe it won't be so bad with her I try not to judge a book by its cover. Even if it's an extremely old cover 

"Words put to the air tend to go unheeded words put to paper do not." 

Or maybe this is as boring as I thought it was gonna be. She barley speaks to me all she does is write on post-it notes as if I'm just some house guest there's something new everyday. I opened my fridge to eat something and my eyes fell on a note 

_You are what you eat_

_-Nurse Janet_

I browsed around my fridge all I saw was green healthy foods in my cupboards seeds raisins granola bars and anything you classify as healthy. I know I'm really sick but that doesn't mean untitled to sugar every now and again. I went to go online to watch an art tutorial to cheer me up but there's was another damn post-it note.

_Internet privileges from 12-3pm _

_-Nurse Janet _

Unbelievable I'm supposed to be 18 granted there's not much I'm allowed to do but this is out of order I need the internet this bitch doesn't even understand what it's like to be locked inside for her whole life. I went to my study to see my art things scattered on my desk like I left them in my draw because I was in the middle of an important project why did this happen? I saw the note attached to one of my paint brushes.

_Clear space. Clear mind_

_-Nurse Janet_

Now shes messing with my art things last fucking straw nurse Janet more like nurse ratchet. I put my art things back in the draw where I wanted them I'm not listing to her or reading her stupid notes anymore. My mom came home and Nurse Janet finally left my mom was giving me my daily check-up I saw this as an opportunity to talk about fixing things. 

"I miss Bex"

"Yeah well Bex almost got you killed" She said removing the blood pressure pump from my arm

"Bex was my friend"

"No Walker Bex was you're nurse and as you're nurse she was not supposed to endanger you're life by inviting strangers into the house."

"Jonah's not a stranger" I mumbled keeping my head down 

"He's not yours."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said defensively 

"He's going to find some other boy and be his Jonah"

"He's Bi for you're information"

"Even worse he could find another girl then and he'll be her Jonah he wasn't yours to keep if Bex was you're friend she would of told you that" 

As much as I hate to admit it she was right. Ever since my mom said that I keep imagining seeing Jonah in his car pulling up in the drive way with some other girl he'll whisper something into her ear and she'll laugh at him touching his shoulder she'll smile at him the way I've smiled at him basically he'll forget all about me. I feel silly. Why would anyone set themselves up to have a broken heart. He's going to meet someone who isn't sick. Someone that can leave their house. and I'll still be here. that night my phone was going crazy I hadn't spoken to Jonah for quite a while I was trying to distance myself from him he needs to get over it I mean I haven't but I'm starting too he needs to do the same. But I couldn't ignore him anymore. 

**[4 missed calls from Jonah💜] **

_**Walker:** I'm messing up your life_

_**Jonah:** Pick up! _

** _Walker:_ ** _ No_

** _Jonah:_ ** _ Please don't do this pick up_

**[Incoming call from Jonah💜]**

My finger hovered over the accept button I didn't want to but I knew I had to end things I would only hurt him I had to be honest instead of ghosting him because well it's not even working. 

_ **Hi Jonah** _

_ **That's not true you're not messing up anything ** _

_ **I'm trying to protect you** _

_ **I don't want protecting I want you** _

_ **We can't always have everything we want... You're not mine** _

_ **What does that mean?** _

_ **you're gonna meet some other person** _ _ ** and you'll be their Jonah** _

_ **There's no other person** _

_ **It's not safe I don't really think when I'm around you** _

_ **Thinking is overrated** _

_ **This isn't going anywhere** _

_ **I don't wanna lose you ** _

_ **I can't even go outside what are you really losing?** _

I hung up I couldn't keep doing this to Jonah I'm done it's over. But I still felt like I needed him. 

**[Next day]**

In the morning I woke up and went downstairs to my study and I was in awe of what I saw. On the outside of the window there we're so many beautiful pictures of the ocean every single one different but all connected in some way. My eyes went around and landed on a taped note as I read it tears began to well up in my eyes

_Walker..._

_every ocean deserves to be seen by you_

Jonah. I couldn't believe it he was genuine. this proved it. He knows me I'm able to close my eyes and imagine myself in the ocean drifting slowly I laughed to myself a little I don't just like Jonah anymore I need him he's a part of me he's driven his way into my heart. I knew this wasn't living I know what I have to do. I feel braver, confident and also really stupid I could be making a huge mistake or I could be finally starting life. either way it's happening I'm doing this if I don't I'll go insane. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe stan cliff hangers ;))


	6. If I go will you come too?

**Chapter 6 **

**\---------**

_Dear Mom, _

_I want to start off by saying I love you. You already know that but this maybe my last chance to say that. You are smart and strong, kind and selfless thanks to you I've been able to live for this long and get to know my small part of the world. But it's not enough. I'm not doing this just because of Jonah or maybe I am. I found this new part of myself the day I met him and the new part doesn't know how to stay quite and just observe. Do you remember when we first read 'The Little Prince' together? I was so upset that he died in the end. I didn't understand how he could choose death so that he could get back to his rose. I think I understand it now I'm not choosing death it's that if I don't go. I won't really know what it's like to be alive. _

_I love you, Walker. _

I was ready. My things we're packed I wrote a letter for my mom and put it at the edge of my bed I made sure everything in my room was neat and I got one last feel for the place knowing full well it could be the last I ever see of this house. I took the final breath and undid the pass code that opened the door not just to my house but to the whole world that I would stepping into properly for the first time. I slowly took a cautious step outside breathing in the crisp morning air. I actually felt the cold on my face all the different colours around me enough to almost make me dizzy it was amazing I felt alive for the first time. I felt sure that I did exist in the world. I found myself wondering over to Jonah's house I quickly texted him telling him to come out his house. The sun was so bright and birds where singing I stood there taking it all in watching Jonah's door waiting for him nervously. what if he blocked me after what I said yesterday? no he couldn't of with the oceans he put up for me. Soon enough he came out the house and my anxieties melted upon seeing him he rushed over to me a little smaller than usual being he wasn't wearing shoes. 

"Walker what the hell is-" 

I cut him off cupping his face and kissing him softly but he backed away from me.

"Hey. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"I've been doing gene therapy" 

"What are you talking about?" He asked confused

"I didn't wanna tell you because I didn't wanna get you're hopes up... I mean, I didn't wanna get my hopes up"

"Gene therapy?" 

"I've been on a trial. I thought my type of SCID was uncommon well it turns out I'm very common"

"y-you mean y-you're not sick?" He looked scared and doubtful

"That's what I'm trying to tell you" 

"No...No I don't believe come on let's get back inside" he tried to force me back to my house but I gripped his arms our faces inches apart my voice was a whisper

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"No" he eased up a bit

"so why would I start now?"

"L-look if you're not sick then why does it look like you're just running away?" 

"My mom is still worried she'd never believe it" 

"I knew it was to good to be true. lets just go back inside come on" he begged 

"No Jonah I have to know" I still had a firm grip on his arms

"Know what?" 

"I have to know if I'm still sick and the only way for me to do that is to be outside... will you come with me?"

"Come with you where?"

"Hawaii"

"Hawaii?" He breathed out

"I bought plane tickets"

"H-how?"

"Credit cards are surprisingly easy to get" 

"You're serious?" I nodded in response 

"Whats wrong with Shadyside, Utah?" He chuckled "Give me 10 minutes wait here" He ran back to his house. 

He came rushing out I was facing his care pulling on the door I tried to open it but it kept jamming Jonah came up next to me smirking he pressed a button on his keys and unlocked it I hesitantly climbed in I looked around his car was nice well I assume so I've never been in one or if I have I don't remember. I copied his action of putting on my seat belt he laughed at my lack of knowing how to properly plug it in he started his car and I pushed the button next to me it opened the window but Jonah quickly leaned over closing it again 

"Just a precaution so... try not to breath to deeply" he said. I giggled at his protectiveness 

we started driving to the airport and I was in awe of everything all the sights I saw in no way was I really scared just fascinated it was all amazing to see I listened to Jonah talk to his sister on the phone.

"It's only until Friday... I'm fine I'll be okay.... alright be good... And look after mom I love you bye." He hung up looking out at the road I put a hand on his knee in a comforting manor he smiled softly at me. We continued to head to the airport I became hyper aware of the speed on the car 

"We're going really fast" 

"I'm doing 30" 

"Is that fast?" 

"No" He smiled shaking his head

"Can we go faster?" He chuckled softly so did I as I felt the car increase speed I grinned looking out the window once more.

we finally arrived at the airport and everything felt like a blur before I knew it we we're on the plane I took the window seat looking out it all felt surreal a few short weeks ago I wouldn't of even thought about this 

"How do you feel?" Jonah asked concerned 

"Terrified" I said grinning 

we linked arms and held hands in the middle as the plane started to move I tightly gripped his tightly the whole flight. We finally landed in Hawaii it was like living in a dream while getting off the plane Jonah continuously checked in on me.

"Everything okay?" 

"Yes" 

We we're greeted with a woman at the foot of the stairs giving flower necklaces 

"Aloha" She said putting them around me and Jonah we smiled gratefully we started walking away

"Try not to die" Jonah whispered forcing a grin out of me.

We continued our drive to a villa I rented online along the Hawaiian coast I saw the ocean with it's brilliant blue colour absolutely beautiful I was itching to go it was the one thing I had been thinking of the minute we landed. We got to the Villa it was gorgeous an amazing ocean view nice and spacious no sterilised clothes or cabinets of medication not at all what I'm used to it was relieving I let out a sigh taking it all in we walked into the main bedroom Jonah broke the silence between us

"Big bed" He said commenting on where we would most probably both end up sleeping. 

He went out onto the balcony over looking more of the ocean.

"I found food" He said pointing to the fruit bowl on a small table

"That's resourceful" 

"So... now what?" 

"I wanna go in the water" 

"Already?"

"Yes we've already gone this far are you coming too?"

"I guess where going" He chuckled I pulled his hand out the villa. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also have a oneshot series go check it out sorry it's a little short but thanks for reading


	7. Love is deeper than the ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite sumt but there's like a lot of sexual tension kidz

**T/W: Sexual scene I guess **

**Chapter 7**

**\---------**

We ended up in a small gift shop that sold postcards, coasters and fridge magnets. I saw some bright yellow swim shorts I'd never been swimming and never thought I'd need to worry to about a swim suit. I looked over at Jonah who was looking at some sun glasses I wondered over to a changing room. I tried on the shorts they hurt a little around my waist but I liked the look of them. I had to admit even though I've been inside for 18 years I was inn pretty good shape. 

"Walker?"

Jonah calling me snapped me out of my thoughts I opened the curtain still in my swim shorts I saw Jonah's jaw drop from a second I blushed lightly at the shorter boys reaction.

"Um... you're in swim shorts" He stated the obvious 

"Yeah" I breathed out "...There tight" I said fiddling with the rim of them 

"I'm gonna change" I said pointing to the small room

"Right I'll be out here" 

"Okay" I quickly said closing the curtain blushing. 

Later on in the day we went to the nearest beach. I had all these different emotions whirling in my stomach I had been wanting this for as long as I can remember. The ocean looked deep it was bright as the sun was beating down on it I took a deep breath taking it all in Jonah took my hand as we ran in. The ocean was warm welcoming it felt amazing as I got onto my knees letting a wave wash over me Jonah knelt down as well next to me as we interlocked our hands together I smiled soundly at him we went further to waist level and Jonah helped me to float on my back.

"Just relax your shoulders" He instructed

I closed my eyes letting him control my actions as I floated gently he planted a chaste kiss on my lips I smiled up at him softly. We went deeper into the ocean it got up to our shoulders and Jonah being shorter wrapped his arms around my neck my arms wrapped around his waist we giggled with our noses touching I put my lips on his he let me take control deepening it as he combed his hands through my wet hair. We got back onto the beach and I wrapped a towel around the pair of us. I watched a couple girls jump off cliffs into the ocean my eyes went wide from it. Jonah followed my eyes looking over at the cliff I smirked at him standing up and running over.

We reached the top my heartbeat sputtering out of control Jonah noticed my nerves and squeezed my hand smiling encouragingly. 

"You ready?" 

"You s-should jump first" I stuttered 

He shrugged smiling and nodding he stepped back a little taking a deep breath and shaking out his hands and running forward plummeting into the water below. I saw his head come up a few seconds later he spat water out his mouth smiling brightly at me his smile could kill me I swear. I laughed at his cuteness shakily breathing mentally preparing myself to take the leap I took several deep breaths and ran off the cliff feeling like I was walking on air for a few seconds everything happened in slow motion as my body came in contact with the water I flailed my arms around trying to bring myself up over the oceans blanket of water. As I did I took a big gulp of air wiping my face clear of the water coming down from my adrenal high. I looked at Jonah smiling like an idiot. Yeah never thought I'd get here.

We came out of the water got dried off and dressed. We were driving off another side of the beach there were lots of people in the part we were in. Jonah and I sat in a comfortable silence listening to the radio Jonah softly singing along to the words he sounded like he'd been singing for years.

_I wanna love, but first I need someone to show me_   
_Afraid to fall in first, but that's the old me_

He quietly stopped clearly becoming shy but I continued for him.

_There's something 'bout us_   
_When we're together_   
_Whenever you're there, everywhere_   
_I see colour_

We came to a quite clearing on the beach where Jonah parked the car we sat on the hood of it leaving the radio on I pulled him close to him putting an arm around him he leaned his head on shoulder taking my hand that was on his shoulder we just looked out into the ocean appreciating each others company still listening to the same song

_I'd like to be the kinda man_   
_You'd like to love_   
_We've got a right to love_   
_And baby, I'd like to love you_   
_'Cause you're my favourite hue_

We decided to take a walk on the beach as the sky began to darken. We wondered hand in hand a gentle breeze flowing through carrying the sea air the moment couldn't be more surreal I stopped he turned to me concerned I only leaned down slightly and kissed him gently and he kissed back letting it linger my lips tingled from it feeling like electricity he could not be more perfect. 

Jonah and I sat in front of a fire it was a starry night and I could see the reflection of his eyes he looked content we started to talk about our families as it was never properly addressed. 

"It's strange cause I don't even remember them" I said referring to my dad and brother "It's weird to miss something you never had or ya know you don't remember having"

"It's Not so weird" He said in a comforting manor I smiled looking out to the ocean

"We came here before they died and before I got sick" 

"Well your not sick now" I looked down I didn't want to intruded but this was like a burning question in my mind

"Why did you move?" He sighed shaking his head

"My dad isn't very good at staying employed" He scoffed "And my mom feels trapped I just don't know why she won't leave him" 

"Well have you asked her?" 

"Yeah she doesn't talk about it anymore but she used to say that" He chuckled lightly "You'd understand when you get older when you have you're own relationships" He said looking up at me meeting my eyes for the first time "She says love makes people crazy" 

"Do you believe that?" 

"Do you?" He said

"Well I'm sitting here in Hawaii with you so... I guess so" I sighed

"So you're saying you're in love with me?" He smiled my eyes widened as I got flustered 

"No I... I-I'm just saying" I stuttered and trailed off and stood up "I never would of left my house if it weren't for you" He looked down as if contemplating something

"I love you" He finally said meeting my eyes. He stood up and I looked down at his hopeful eyes

"I..." I started chuckling softly "I loved you before I even knew you" 

He smiled softly bringing his hand up to the nape of my neck pulling me down to his lips I put hand on his waist cupping his face with the other. We kissed gently our lips moved in sync perfectly together we pulled away resting our foreheads together I felt so at one with him. Later we ended up back in the villa late at night Jonah walked over to the left side of the bed.

"Okay so I'll take this side and you take the right" He said sitting propped up on the pillows 

"That's fine" I nodded sitting on the edge.

I wasn't sure what to do after that I looked back at Jonah who was twiddling his thumbs I'm pretty sure we both had the same thought but we're both to scared to make the first move. Jonah moved from his spot right up next to me we were sitting shoulder to shoulder I looked at him as we came face to face we quickly pushed our lips together it started off soft but then more force was added to it combed my fingers through his soft hair. We went to the middle of the bed Jonah adjusted himself to lay on the pillows I was nervous admittedly but seeing that he also clearly was calmed me he looked up at me as I straddled on top if him my hands either side of him as I proceeded to make out with him he let my tongue enter his mouth it danced perfectly with his. I sat up my knees either side of him as he also scooted upwards from his position leaning forward to kiss my neck I groaned as I felt him leave a mark there I slowly went back in to kiss him and unbutton his shirt I took it off and removed my own and went down further to kiss his collar bone causing him to move his head back and fourth in pleasure I moved further down as some how the rest of our clothes where quickly removed my hands where tight on his waist as we started to explore every part of each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Cackles* hehe I had exam week so sorry updates have been slow but thank you for all the reads and comments means the world


	8. Everyday is the same...until

**Chapter 8**

**\----------**

I stood in front of the mirror the events of yesterday and last night replaying in my head I smirked to myself thinking how crazy, funny and kind of bizarre it is at how fast everything has moved over the past few weeks. I guess I could say love has saved me from my eternal captivity in my house. 

Too bad love couldn't save me when I needed nothing would be able to prepare me for what happened next.

My chest got tight I could feel my heart thumping in my chest like it was ready to burst I felt faint and dizzy I leaned my hands on the counter top of the sink trying to focus my blurring vision.

"Walker?" 

I heard someone calling my name but I barley registered it my breathing fell shorter by the second.

"Walker are you okay?!" 

I couldn't speak I only shook my head violently clutching my stomach which hurt like hell only to collapse into what could only be Jonah's arms. He slowly set me down onto the cold tiled floor feeling my head.

"Y-you're burning up" He reached for his phone my vision darkening "You'll be okay... He..lo I n..ed a" I could no longer hear Jonah or anything as I went unconscious.

The rest was all blurry hard to process. I kept going in and out of consciousnesses as I was loaded into an ambulance, admitted to hospital my mind went to past few days I had with Jonah I knew I needed to stay alive for him. While I was out I had this reoccurring nightmare I was in a field it was full of flowers on the other side Jonah was there looking at me he started to run towards me I smiled ready to bring him into my arms but then I got this stabbing pain in my chest and I would collapse.

My heart stopped. And then it started again. But when I woke up he was gone. I found myself back in room hooked up to a bunch of machines feeling light headed I rose from where I was laying and my mom saw gently pushed me back down. 

"No, no, no lie down honey" She stroked my head smiling down at me.

"Am I okay?" I asked weakly

"You're going to be" She spoke softly. I drifted off into a deep sleep but my mind was whirling I didn't know what happened to Jonah if he was in trouble if I was in trouble right now I had to focus on getting better but as soon as I was I needed to end it for real not just for me but for him. 

**few days later**

I was no longer bed ridden and I was feeling a lot better but still resting at the same time. I was on my laptop chatting to Jonah he had sent me several messages. I knew this was going to be hard I was dreading doing something like this but I couldn't put him through this anymore.

**Jonah:**

**Walker?**

**Where have you been?**

**Are you okay?!!**

I sighed deeply leaning my head back and began to type 

**Walker:**

**Yes**

**Jonah:**

**Are you sure?**

**Walker:**

**Yes I'm okay Jonah**

**Jonah: **

**It's nice to be able to talk to you again I tried to visit but your mom wouldn't let me**

**Walker:**

**yeah I'm sorry I put you through all that I can't do this anymore**

**Jonah:**

**Can't do what?**

**Walker:**

**No more texts no more e-mails Jonah it's just too hard my mom was right life was better before**

**Jonah:**

**Better for who?**

**Walker:**

**...**

**Jonah:**

**Don't do this Walker**

**Walker:**

...

**Jonah:**

**Look my life is better with you in it**

**Walker:**

**But mine isn't**

_ **Walker has logged out** _

I looked out to Jonah's room from my window he wasn't there tears fell from my eyes as I cried softly Jonah beck always has a place in my heart. The following day I was up and dressed feeling well watching my mom clean the kitchen while I sat on the counter top she was back at work tomorrow.

"Tomorrow I am back at the hospital" She said wiping down the counter top

"Did you find me a good babysitter?" I said fiddling with my hands

"Actually I've been thinking maybe you don't need a nurse" She said turning round "You learnt a tough lesson I can't imagine you repeating it again" 

"No" I confirmed smiling 

"Good" She place a hand on my knee then walked away. 

I sat in my room listening to music going through a few e-mails from Andi she hadn't left for art school yet she was going to in 3 weeks though I filled her in on everything from going to Hawaii to getting sick to practically breaking up with Jonah. I saw in my inbox a few more e-mails from Jonah begging me too talk to him I deleted them turning up my music. My pulse oximeter was beeping indicating I was healthy as I did my homework that same night but I heard a car door next to my house I rushed to the window seeing Jonah his mom and sister loading stuff into a car and getting inside as Jonah was about to step into the passenger seat he saw me looking down at him with a questing look he gave me one more lingering look smiling softly and getting in the engine started and I watched them drive off. I ran to my laptop getting into my deleted e-mails seeing the last one Jonah sent me.

_From: Jonah _

_I wish you'd talk to me. I'll never meet anyone else like you Walker, You look at the ocean like it was meant for you. You jump of cliffs even though you can't swim you think you can find the meaning of life in a book. You don't have any vices you should really get some. I'm trying not to love you but I'm failing. This is my last e-mail. Were moving back to New York. Were leaving tonight while my dads out drinking my mom wants to do it at night she's afraid she won't be able to do it if he's right in front of her. I finally told her about you she thinks you're brave. Being with you made me brave._

_I love you always_

_Jonah x _

*************

Everyday was the same again just like that. staying inside at a normal routine medicine checkups my sterilised white uniform nothing new like he never even existed maybe Jonah was just a figment of my imagination a very vivid one. No he wasn't I remember him too well and I'll never forget him. those few weeks where the ones that changed my life allowed me to see myself in a different light my routine may be the same but I'm not the same. I'll never have this happen to me again so I cherish it and I'm ready for normal life.

Because like I said at the beginning everyday is the same. That is until...

My phone rang I didn't recognise the number but I still answered. 

_ **"Hello?"** _

** _"Walker Brodsky?" _ **

_ **"Yes"** _

_ **"Hi I'm doctor Melissa Francis from Maui memorial hospital I was your attending physician while you were here. I'm just following up on your lab results. Your myocarditis was caused my a viral infection . You appear to have a very weak immune system."** _

_ **"Well I have SCID" ** _

_ **"SCID? Really? why would you think that?" ** _

_ **"Well I've had it since I was a baby"** _

_ **"I don't know if you had that kind of immunodeficiency you probably would of suffered more than myocarditis"** _

My breath got caught in my throat if she's saying what I think she's saying then...

Oh my god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final few chapter buckle up kiddos :))


	9. Was I ever sick?

**Chapter 9 **

**\---------**

Nothing. skimming through my mom's endless medical files on her computer with all the illness and disease I had as a baby but nothing about me having SCID. I went through her cabinets with my records.

Nothing.

I dug into a cupboard holding the files and documents from when I was a few months old including my birth certificate and ultrasound photos my mom had when she was pregnant with me.

Nothing. Not a thing on SCID. 

I began panting heavily did my mom know? she must have she's practically my doctor. Am I being delusional because of everything that's happened these past weeks I don't know all I know is I might not be sick at all. I was still flicking through some documents when my mom came in slowly viewing the mess I created in the room my eyes were wet I was sniffling what if it all has been a lie?

"What's going on?" She said confused on my hands and knees I looked up slowly at her

"Am I sick?" I said shakily 

"What?" She quizzed

"Am I sick?" I repeated getting angrier 

"Do you feel sick" She got down to my level putting her hands on my face but I pushed them away

"That's not what I mean" I breathed heavily rising from the ground and she did as well

"Do you remember meeting a Dr. Francis in Maui?" I sniffed

"I met a lot of doctor's in Maui why?" She said

"She doesn't think I have SCID" I whispered she sighed

"And she got your hopes up didn't she? That was very irresponsible of her to do that. SCID is a very rare and complicated condition with... with many different types not everyone understands it" I just looked her refusing to believe "And every person reacts differently you get that don't you?" I nodded but I still doubted it.

"Yeah that's what you've always told me" I said staring her down

"Well you saw it for yourself you were fine for a while then you almost died in the emergency room." She was getting madder "Immune systems are very complicated doctor Francis doesn't know your full medical history she is just looking at a tiny fraction she hasn't been here the whole time like I have"

"Where are the papers mom?" 

"W-which papers?" She stammered. I began looking again 

"You have records for everything but you have NOTHING about SCID" I said slamming my clenched knuckles on the table.

"W-well t-they must be he-here...Did you take them? the...the papers" she asked

It slowly came to me the answer in my head that had been popping up since I got the phone call the one I denied thinking there's no way on earth my own mother would do that the same mother that looked after me for 18 years. She lied about it all. I'm not sick. well I definitely don't have SCID. My mind blurred I was too in shock to speak I just heavily gasped looking at my mom with tears of anguish and shock. My legs carried me out the office to the door I shakily did the pass code running outside. She took away everything my whole life a normal childhood. I gave up the person I love. I gave up Jonah. For an illness that was simply made up for what reason I have no idea. My mom came outside trying to pull my arm.

"Walker what are you doing? are you okay?" She said feeling my forehead I was struggling to get released from her grip

"Come inside, come inside" She commanded I pulled away

"Why?... Why do I have to go inside mom?" 

"Because you're sick baby you're sick" She said holding my arms but I shook my head pulling them away.

"Walker please, please" She begged

"I'm not going back inside" I said backing up further

"You have too! You're all I have left I can't lose you... please" She confessed I came to the realisation of why she might of done it.

"Have I ever been sick?" I asked in fear

"Come inside" She said softly

I breathed sharply my mouth hung open the look of disappointment on my face. I was overwhelmed more tears came I couldn't stand it anymore.

"No, no, no" I sobbed into my hands.

I released myself from my mothers grasp running from the drive way down the road I heard my mom calling out to me in the distance also beginning to sob. It was all a lie I was never ill she made all of it up to keep me inside taking away my whole life. She too my childhood teenage years. and worst of all stopped me from being with Jonah I put him through hell because of a disease I didn't have. I ran down the road obviously I don't know this place well I found myself at a convenience store asking to borrow their phone. I was able to call Bex and she came to pick me up I got into the car not saying anything I could feel her eyes on me but we just drove back to her place. Lucky for me Andi hasn't left yet and she welcomed me with open arms. 

I'm scared. My mom was the only person I was super close to and I trusted her now I don't know who to trust. I could only think about Jonah. If it weren't for him I wouldn't of found out that I wasn't really sick but I let him go I didn't try to stop him now he's probably moving on from me.

**********

_"We're not sure about the sate of your immune system. We think it's under developed like an infants. You haven't been exposed to common viruses or bacteria. you don't have S.C.I.D" The doctor informed_

_"Why did I get sick in Hawaii?" I asked_

_"Well normal healthy people get sick all time"_

I had taken a walk to clear my head from everything that had been happening but once I got back to Bex's doorstep I saw my mom sitting there she smiled standing up I made minimal eye contact. She handed over a bag.

"I brought you some of your things" She smiled 

"I'm only taking it because I want you to leave" I said trying to remain civil. She looked as she wanted to say something.

"When your dad and brother died... You got so s-sick you wouldn't breathe right and I took you too the emergency room where we had to stay for three days and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with you. They said it was probably some kind of allergy and they gave me a...a l-list of things to stay away from and... I was" She paused her breath getting caught in her throat tears rolling down both our faces "I was so...so sure it was something else" Her voice wobbled as more tears fell she held my shoulders "I love you Walker" She hugged me tight for the first time in a while I hugged her back "I hope you still love me I'm so sorry" She whispered I rubbed her back. She pulled away kissing my head and going back to her car. Breathing shakily I wiped my tears.

Knowing what I know. Considering what I've been through. My future now being completely up to me.

I realise there's one thing left to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took forever I'm so sorry lol but we on the last chapter next I'm happy with how this turned out


	10. Love is everything, everything

**Chapter 10**

**\----------**

The universe already took my dad and brother away from my mom. She was afraid to lose me too so she made herself believe I was sick. I can understand how she felt almost I'm trying to. My mom loved my father he was the love of her life. She loved my brother he was the love of her life. She loves me I am the love of her life. I want to forgive her but right now all I think about is everything I've missed. I've been trying to find that single moment that'll set my life on it's path. Maybe there's a version of my life where I am sick. A version of my life where I do die in Hawaii. Another where my Brother and father are still alive and my mother is not broken there's even a version of my life without Jonah in it.

**[Messages to Jonah💜]**

** _Walker: _ ** _I'll be at the Olde book shoppe at 10am_

** _Walker:_ ** _ I'll understand if you're not there_

**********

New York is very busy. Crowded streets bustling towns it's alive I'm already falling in love it but I have another love that I'm praying will be at the book store for me today. I walked into the store to be met with an assortment of old books not organised though. all piled up on the floor of dozens of shelves looking around I found one book that Partically caught my eye or rather the person who was holding it I walked up slowly he lifted his eyes to meet mine he smiled his dimples on display.

"Hi" 

"Hey do you ever just wish that you could change one thing about yourself" I replied

"What if changing one thing makes everything else worse?" He argued back

"What if we hadn't met"

"But we did" the shorter boy said

"We did" I smiled softly. But I looked down guilty

"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye"

"Are you sure you should be here" He stated

"Probably not" I chuckled getting closer to him

"What if today was the first day we had met?" I asked now face to face he lifted his head a little

"Okay" He blushed

"I'm so happy to meet you" I confessed moving in closer. He put a hand on the back of my neck pulling me into a kiss that was soft we let it linger.

"I'm really happy to meet you too" He smiled.

I remember when I thought everyday of my life was the same. and it was I still stand by that but since I met Jonah it hasn't been I thought that this would be the end of my suffering of being closed off from a world that didn't care about me. but it's the beginning and the time to live the life I always wanted to everything that I could only ever dream of before. When I said that I thought the world didn't care about me I was wrong very wrong. There was a whole world waiting for me out there the entire time and Jonah s that world I can't explore it with him not only have I found new adventurers but I've found love. I found it in my house. My mom. Bex. Hawaii and Jonah it's what's kept me going this entire time. So I can end this story and begin a new chapter

Love is everything, everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *roll credits* That's a wrap! Thank you so much for reading along with this story I enjoyed writing it so much <333


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